for ma on her birthday

everytime I listened to this song on my IPOD, it never failed to make me cry

Il Divo,
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I’m not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
And for the times
I forgot
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I’ve changed
Along the way (along the way)
Bridge:
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I’m sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you , I miss you
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I’ve been wrong
Dry your eyes (dry your eyes)
Bridge : BECAUSE I know you BELIEVE
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you’re happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I’ve changed
Along the way (along the way)
Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you ,mama

Despite all my behaviours, all my words that hurt your feeling..
please forgive me,ma…I Love you ma…you’re the greatest.
Happy Birthday, mom

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for my son on his birthday

kevinku

banyak yang merasa lagu ini didedikasikan tidak saja untuk kekasih, tapi juga putra putrinya…

I feel this song was written for my Kevin…:)

Happy 3rd birthday my son…

Bunda loves you so much…

yup, ultah cucu ama neneknya emang samaan….


mother (2)

tulisan kedua saya tentang mama.

kemarin siang adalah kajian rutin terakhir di bulan Ramadahan ini, di musholla gedung tempat saya berkerja.
tidak seperti hari-hari sebelumnya yang berupa materi, kali ini topiknya perenungan.
merenung tentang bagaiamana ridhonya ibu adalah ridhonya Allah.
kalau kita kaya, sukses, anak-anak sehat dan lucu, jodoh yang baik,
jangan takabur itu adalah usaha pribadi seorang, pasti ada doa dan sujud ibunya didalamnya.
sepanjang “perenungan” air mata saya terus menetes.
jujur, saya sendiri tidak terlalu “klik” dengan mama, kami kerap berselisih pendapat. mungkin bisa dibilang I’m the most rebellious  among her three offspring.
kadang saya beranggapan mama susah dibantah, sehingga ego saya sering terusik.
padahal very now and then, saya masih tinggal di rumah mama menitipkan anak-anak disana.
menurut saya, mama pribadi yang keras, menurut mama saya sering takabur.
Permintaan maaf saya yang benar-benar tulus ke mama ketika saya meregang perih 10 jam sebelum
melahirkan Kezia yang ended up di meja operasi,  setelah itu, saya akui jarang saya benar-benar tulus meminta maaf ke mama.
beberapa waktu lalu  saya menghadapi masalah pelik, saya awalnya hanya menyimpan ini sendiri, later on, my dad found out and feel irritated,
“bagaimana papa bilang ke mama kamu nanti, kamu yang bilang sendiri!”
Terlihat kilat marah dimatanya, hal yang sangat sangat jarang saya lihat. Saya mulanya tetap diam walau batin ini menjerit  dan terus terang takut. Saya takut mama murka dengan kesalahan yang saya buat.
Tapi ketika mama mulai bertanya-tanya pertanyaan yang sederhana, yang sebenarnya tidak ada hubungannya
dengan masalah saya, saya langsung berlari ke pagkuan beliau, menangis dan mencium tapak kaki beliau,
saya saat itu sudah siap mental ibu saya murka karena kesalahan yang saya buat.
di luar prediksi saya,
mama membelai kepala saya — tidak seperti dengan kedua anaknya yang lain— terus terang pemandangan ini jarang  terlihat antara mama dan saya.
sama sekali tidak ada murka di kalimat mama, yang ada hanya dukungan moril. Walaupun berkali kali saya memohon ampunan telah mengecewakan mereka, mama bilang beliau tidak kecewa sama sekali dengan kesalahan saya, she has guess this problem will occur eventually,
mungkin karena feeling ibu yang kuat terhadap anak yang pernah berbagi makanan dan nafas dengannya
moril yang diberikan membuat saya lebih jernih dan tenang untuk menyelesaikan masalah.
Peristiwa itu menghempas kesombongan saya selama ini, I feel bad for who I am  but  my mom told me not to.

there were many times I told my parents I’m not the mommy little girl anymore,
this occurance proof me wrong,
I still their little girl and probably will always be.
You are awesome,ma.

missing you

it has been 7 weeks,
and I’m still miss you,
and still in my regret why I barely had you on the phone.

If only those Duri business trip hasn’t been postponed,
I wanted to hold you thight, and never let you go.
I miss you grandma,
I really do…

My Grandma Pass AwaY

when I was about leaving the house and kiss my mom goodbye,

Mom told me that My Grandma passed away at 1.00 am this morning.

I didn’t cry when I learnt that my grandpa died 14 years ago, so I thought I wouldn’t this time.

But I was wrong.

When I put my shoes on, I can’t stop my tears from falling.

November 2006, couple of days after Hari Raya, was the last time I see my grandma and introduced her two others Great Grandchildren (she has 31 grandchildren and about 20 Great Grandchildren).

All the memories just popped up,

One day she called me and told me this :

“Kalau kau kerja, jangan kau tinggal anak kau dengan pengasuh, antar ke rumah mama atau suruh mama datang ke rumah kau. Nanti disiksanya cicit nenek, pengasuh sekarang banyak yang ngga baik”

My sister and I were surprised where she came up with the idea, I always thought she’d never concerned about one of this, since she just a regular “old time “ woman, get married at the age 15 and stayed at home brought up her children.

She used to live in Payakumbuh, but moved with my auntie in Duri,Riau since couple of years ago since no one taking care of her. (her son in law passed away 2 weeks ago, a great loss for my auntie, first her husband and now her mom).

Actually, she just built a new house in Payakumbuh (the house is empty, she refused to have it rent since on Lebaran day she’d be there). she even designed the house, and supervised its construction. The house then named after her son, who passed away on July 2001.

She always asking me, when will I visit her in that house, and I keep telling her

“Nanti nek, kapan2x…”

“kapan? Nanti nenek keburu meninggal”

and it happens.

After loosing her husband, her 6 children 1 great grandchild, 1 son in law, now it her turn.

And even worse, I don’t recall when was the last time I have her on the phone.

Just feeling what a lousy granddaughter I am.

In her life, She was never been hospitalized, not even once!

She is about in her mid-80’a, no one sure when she was born (the exact Masehi Year, the record was in Hijriah Year).

Good bye, Nek. I’ll miss you! A lot!

dua tujuh sebelas kosong lima

10.45 am

bayi mungil itu,

yang kini beranjak besar,

tepat dua tahun umurmu kini,

dan tugas kami masih panjang,

semoga Sang Rabb,

memperkenankan kami menjagamu,

-lelaki tampan hadiah dari surga-ku,

kau lelaki

melangkahlah kemana kau suka

tapi ingatlah Rabb mu dalam tiap langkahmu,

kau lelaki

melangkahlah kemana kau ingin,

sertakan kami dalam doamu

kau lelaki,

pergilah kemana kau hendak,

tapi pulanglah dengan kepala tegak.

-doa kami tetap sama (dan pasti selalu bertambah)-

VBR, 27 November 2007