early in the morning contemplating

My PPE buddies (Management Trainee in my office) recently talk about (not so surprise) The World Cup.
We (err…mostly the boys…errr…out of 21 people, only 5 are female) talked about who is their tim jagoan and stuffs. And as the conversation continue, they recalled when some of them “pasang taruhan” years ago, draw a chart and filling the point when we undergo our PPE program.
Playing cat and mouse with the branch supervisor as some of us hiding in a room to watch these match during office hour.
Then, Juniko made a conclusion, we’ve been friends for 3 World Cups era 😀
Gee…that was long.Some of us change a bit  (mostly the size) others remains the same and  sometime I’m glad we didn’t grow up,well getting a bit wiser may be. Hahhaa.

And there  I was on Saturday, attending my daughter kinder garden graduation ceremony. Time flies. My eyes were wet when I saw her on the stage. I wonder where I have been these days. There were lot of things that they didn’t learn it from me. Labeled me as you like ☺
I was surprised when kiddo # 1 told me all the planet in order from the closest to sun up till Saturn and Kiddo # 2  draw some circles, copy-ing from my Rotring Ruler,then wrote 1 – 15 inside the circle. I didn’t teach him how to write 1- 15.
I took a pause.
Take a deep breath.
An imaginary picture struck me.

My distant relative just lost her husband at the age 33 due to siroris or may be cancer, not sure. I never thought that kind of illness will hit a 33 yr old person. No, I didn’t imagine how my cousin would raise her kids daddy-less. Is not going to be easy that’s for sure.
Not the thought that her late husband  won’t see her daughter on the  wedding’s day. That is their fate.

But the thought that probably, there are promises that he’ll never make, that probably there were times when he weren’t there for his kiddos.

It’s the ‘Do I hug my kiddos as much as they wanted me to?’ or ‘Instead of say something bad telling them to stop bragging, do I say No in the right way when I refuse their wish upon something’ or even ‘Do I have enough patient toward them when they become cranky’? Things that they’ll consider, I’m good enough to be their role model.

I took a deep breath again. Call me stupid or ignorant or whatever you want to labeled me. I wanted to say I’m sorry but what’s the point? I shouldn’t regret what had happened in the past, that’s probably our fates as well.
I made a promise to my self, I’ll live the fullest for my family 😀

With a hope that my family won’t questioned me back and ask “where are you, when I need you?”



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